Parent-teacher conferences - How to score high marks

While the months of October and November are signified best by colorful foliage and a slight chill in the air, they are also a time of uncertainty as parent-teacher conferences are scheduled. During my 15 years working with students of all ages, I’ve found conference days to be some of my favorite days of the school year. These parent conversations are a chance to reaffirm a partnership, make a new connection and most importantly to have a positive conversation about student performance, passions, and goals. Keeping this in mind, it is important to have a game plan for your own parent-teacher conference so that you too can achieve high marks and leave these meetings feeling confident that your child’s educational journey is on a path that will lead to happiness and success for your child. Here are a few key elements to keep in mind to make the most of each of your conferences.

If you have heeded the advice of countless educators, you began the school year reaching out to your child’s teacher and established an open line of communication from day one. This partnership was essential in helping your child achieve his or her goals for the school year. Teachers care deeply about their students and want each one to reach his or her own potential. No one knows a child better than a parent and teachers are keenly aware of the emotion and concern that comes with parenting. Establishing a partnership early helps the teacher know that it is a team effort. Listening carefully to the teacher’s  suggestions about what will help your child find success sets a clear tone that you are in this together. This partnership, when done well, then makes the first conference something to look forward to.

Parents have an emotionally invested interest in their children. This passion and emotion can at times make it difficult to communicate with both child and the teacher. Teachers, on the other hand, try to be objective and want nothing more than to help every child achieve his or her full potential. In order for this to happen, it means teachers have the difficult task, much like doctors, of delivering both good and at times less favorable news. Stay positive and calm and listen carefully to the advice they offer.

One recommendation is to try and involve your child in the process when possible and appropriate.  For an Elementary School student, engage him or her in the process of your preparation for the conference. Ask your child to share with you work he or she is proud of and perhaps a piece that could have been prepared for more carefully. Opening this dialogue shows your young scholar that you value such self- assessment and you build an open relationship that will be internalized as safe and supportive.  Once your child enters Middle School and certainly in High School, see if you can have him or her attend some or all of the conference. After all, you will be discussing your child’s performance and it only makes sense for your child to be present   and offer an assessment of  his or her strengths and weaknesses. If we want students to become self-advocates and take ownership over their learning we must include them in the evaluative process and most importantly in setting goals that will impact performance. This inclusion and partnership can foster bonds of trust between teacher, parent and student while demonstrating clearly to the child that everyone is on the same page.  This level of involvement is a win for you, your child and his or her teacher.

Teachers come to every conference with a plan. They prepare for hours  to make sure they can share a wealth of information about your child during the allotted amount of time. Prior to the conference prepare some questions and create your own plan. Share information with the teacher about what you have observed at home. How does your child approach homework? Where does he or she study? What type of information is shared with you about school? You also need to prepare some questions for the teacher. Some of my favorites include: How does my child approach learning in your class? Have you noticed my child taking a special interest in a topic? How do you think my child learns best? How can I support what you are doing in the classroom? All of this will help the conference to be productive and positive.

 
Finally, when the conversation becomes difficult

Let’s be honest, not every parent-teacher conference is easy. Tough questions arise, teachers deliver results that may come as a surprise and at times children may not be achieving at the level you as parents and we as educators expect. My advice when these difficult conversations come roaring around the corner: breathe. Your child’s teacher does have his or her best interest in mind. Nearly every challenging conversation produces tremendously positive solutions that move students forward. If you have followed the above steps, listened carefully and you believe in partnerships these difficult conversations will more closely resemble small hurdles that your child will learn to jump over while making significant and measurable progress. Remember try not to be an apache “attack” helicopter or a medevac “fix-it” helicopter during this meetings. Use your allotted time to build that partnership, advocate for your child and develop strategies and goals that lead to outcomes of growth, maturity and a love of learning.

Parent-teacher conferences are simply fantastic opportunities to learn, to evaluate, and to grow. So, as you make that appointment with mild trepidation take a moment to look at your son or daughter and reflect on all of the progress made and all the work he or she has put in to becoming an artist, scholar, athlete, actor, and budding leader. Cherish each one of these conference days. Too soon from this day your child will head off to college and you will no longer be present on conference day. Take these next 12, eight or four years to help your child prepare for the conference that will occur at the college of their choice. Good luck and most importantly, have fun. By Joseph Tweed, Director of Admissions and Financial Aid at Ranney School in Tinton Falls, NJ.